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<<display "Timer Addon">>\s\n<<set_timer_mode "display">>\s\n<small><small>The following story deals with abuse, trauma, self-harm and martyrdom. It's kind of intense.\n\n[[Okay, I'm warned.|1]]</small></small>
[["I'm thinking of having them taken out."|2]]
Connie has only <<revision swords>><<revise swords "two swords">> sticking out of her chest.<<becomes>>two swords sticking out of her chest. It's still a novelty for her when strangers stop her on the street and ask if they can <<revision touch>><<revise touch "touch one">>.<<becomes>>touch one. You think she's envious of [[how many|4]] you've accumulated.<<endrevision>><<endrevision>>
Connie blinks at you. "What, you're <<revision serious>><<revise serious "serious?">>" she asks.<<becomes>>serious?" she asks. "But they look so [[beautiful!|3]]"<<endrevision>>
"I never wanted any of these," you say, trying to keep the <<revision quiver>><<revise quiver "quiver">> out of your voice.<<becomes>>quiver out of your voice. "They were given to me without my consent. [[I didn't ask for them.|6]]"<<endrevision>>
"But you've been wearing some of those for years!" she protests. "People with your - <<revision capacity>><<revise capacity "capacity">> are few and far between!"<<becomes>>capacity are few and far between! Don't you know you're a <<revision hero>><<revise hero "hero">> to people?"<<becomes>>hero to people? How <<revision brave>>//<<revise brave "brave">>// folks say you are?"<<becomes>>//brave// folks say you are? Isn't that what you've always [[wanted?|5]]"<<endrevision>><<endrevision>><<endrevision>>
You start <<revision crying>><<revise crying "crying">>, finally. You can't help it. <<becomes>>crying, finally. You can't help it. "<<revision hurt>><<revise hurt "They just hurt so much">>," you choke through the hot, jagged thorns that clamp onto your throat. "They hurt all the time." <<becomes>>They just hurt so much," you choke through the hot, jagged thorns that clamp onto your throat. "They hurt all the time. I - [[I can't sleep anymore|8]]."<<endrevision>><<endrevision>>
"Well, you kept them, didn't you?" She seems genuinely offended, as though by holding onto these swords you've somehow <<revision kept>><<revise kept "kept them from her">>. <<becomes>>kept them from her. "People //know// you for this. This is your thing, your - your <<revision brand>>//<<revise brand "brand">>//." <<becomes>>//brand//. Like - what would you do instead? What would people [[know you for|7]]?"<<endrevision>><<endrevision>>
You don't respond. It's all you can do to keep your tears from bubbling over into <<revision sobs>><<revise sobs "wet, hot sobs">>.<<becomes>>wet, hot sobs. You lean forward to cup your face in your hands and all the swords scrape against your insides, and the pain is so loud and sharp like metal that <<revision breathe>><<revise breathe "you can't breathe">>, you can't think. <<becomes>>you can't breathe, you can't think. "I just want them out!" you shout, a [[dying animal cry|10]].<<endrevision>><<endrevision>>\n
i'm thinking of having them taken out
"You think they hurt now?" says Connie, her tone suddenly severe, like a mom who's been humoring her kid's silly questions, but now it's time to shut up and get in the car. "How much do you think they're gonna hurt when you <<revision wounds>><<revise wounds "take them out?">>"<<becomes>>take them out? And then you'll have //open. Wounds.// Open wounds, sweetheart. Those get //[[infected|9]]//."<<endrevision>>
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<<silently>>\n<<set $TimerAddon = \nfunction()\n{\n\tvar div_timer_container = document.createElement('div');\n\tdiv_timer_container.setAttribute('id', 'timer');\n\n\tvar div_timer_canvas = document.createElement('canvas');\n\tdiv_timer_canvas.setAttribute('id', 'timer_canvas');\n\tdiv_timer_canvas.setAttribute('width', '150');\n\tdiv_timer_canvas.setAttribute('height', '150');\n\tdiv_timer_canvas.width = div_timer_canvas.width;\n\tdiv_timer_container.appendChild(div_timer_canvas);\n\t\n\tvar div_timer_text = document.createElement('span');\n\tdiv_timer_text.setAttribute('id', 'timer_text');\n\tdiv_timer_text.innerHTML = "Hurry Up!";\n\tdiv_timer_container.appendChild(div_timer_text);\n\n\tvar Timer_Active = false;\n var Timer_Paused = false;\n\tvar Timer_Mode = 'none';\n\tvar Timer_Param = "";\n\tvar Timer_Max = 0;\n\tvar Timer_Now = 0;\n \n\tvar div_jonah_floater = document.getElementById('floater');\n\tif(div_jonah_floater) \t\tdiv_jonah_floater.appendChild(div_timer_container);\n\n\tvar div_sugarcane_menu = document.getElementById('sidebar');\n\tif(div_sugarcane_menu) div_sugarcane_menu.appendChild(div_timer_container);\n\n\tfunction StartTimer(val)\n\t{\n\t\tTimer_Active = true;\n Timer_Paused = false;\n\t\tTimer_Max = val;\n\t\tTimer_Now = val;\n\t\tdiv_timer_text.style.display = 'block';\n\t\tdiv_timer_canvas.style.display = 'block';\n\t}\n\n\tfunction StopTimer()\n\t{\n\t\tTimer_Active = false;\n\t\tdiv_timer_text.style.display = 'none';\n\t\tdiv_timer_canvas.style.display = 'none';\n\t}\n\n\tfunction PauseTimer()\n\t{\n\t\tTimer_Paused = true;\n\t}\n\n\tfunction ResumeTimer()\n\t{\n\t\tTimer_Paused = false;\n\t}\n\n\tfunction SetTimerText(text)\n\t{\n\t\tdiv_timer_text.innerHTML = text;\n\t}\n\n\tfunction SetTimerMode(mode)\n\t{\n\t\tif(mode == 'display')\n\t\t{\n\t\t\tTimer_Mode = 'display';\n\t\t}\n\t\telse if(mode == 'restart')\n\t\t{\n\t\t\tTimer_Mode = 'restart';\n\t\t}\n\t\telse Timer_Mode = 'none';\n\t}\n\n\tfunction SetTimerParam(param)\n\t{\n\t\tTimer_Param = param;\n\t}\n\n\tfunction OnTimerEnd()\n\t{\n\t\tStopTimer();\n\t\tif(Timer_Mode == 'restart')\n\t\t{\n\t\t\tstate.restart();\n\t\t\tif(Timer_Param) alert(Timer_Param);\n\t\t\twindow.location.reload(true);\n\t\t\t\n\t\t} \n\t\telse if(Timer_Mode == 'display')\n\t\t{\n\t\t\tstate.display(Timer_Param[0]);\n\t\t}\n\t}\n\n\tfunction OnTimerTick()\n\t{\n\t\tif(Timer_Active && !Timer_Paused)\n\t\t{\n\t\t\tTimer_Now = Timer_Now - 0.1;\n\n\t\t\tif(Timer_Now <= 0) Timer_Now = 0;\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\tvar context = div_timer_canvas.getContext("2d");\n\t\t\tdiv_timer_canvas.width = div_timer_canvas.width;\n\n\t\t\tvar x = div_timer_canvas.width / 2;\n\t var y = div_timer_canvas.height / 2;\n\t var radius = 65;\n\t var startAngle = 1.5 * Math.PI;\n\t \n\t var endAngle = (1.5 + (2 / Timer_Max * Timer_Now)) * Math.PI;\n\t var counterClockwise = false;\n\n\t context.beginPath();\n\t context.arc(x, y, radius, startAngle, endAngle, counterClockwise);\n\t context.lineWidth = 15;\n if(div_jonah_floater) context.strokeStyle = "black";\n\t if(div_sugarcane_menu) context.strokeStyle = "#BBBBBB";\n\t context.stroke();\n\n\t\t\tcontext.font = 'bold 30px sans-serif';\n\t\t\tif(div_jonah_floater) context.fillStyle = "black";\n\t\t\tif(div_sugarcane_menu) context.fillStyle = "#BBBBBB";\n\t\t\tcontext.fillText(Timer_Now.toFixed(1), 55, 85);\n\n\t\t\tif(Timer_Now <= 0) OnTimerEnd();\n\t\t}\n\t}\n\n\tsetInterval(function(){ OnTimerTick(); }, 100); \n\n\tmacros['start_timer'] =\n\t{\n\t\thandler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n\t\t{\n\t\t\tStartTimer(val);\n\t\t}\n\t}\n\n\tmacros['stop_timer'] =\n\t{\n\t\thandler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n\t\t{\n\t\t\tStopTimer();\n\t\t}\n\t}\n\n\tmacros['pause_timer'] =\n\t{\n\t\thandler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n\t\t{\n\t\t\tPauseTimer();\n\t\t}\n\t}\n\n\tmacros['resume_timer'] =\n\t{\n\t\thandler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n\t\t{\n\t\t\tResumeTimer();\n\t\t}\n\t}\n\n\tmacros['set_timer_text'] =\n\t{\n\t\thandler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n\t\t{\n\t\t\tSetTimerText(val);\n\t\t}\n\t}\n\n\tmacros['set_timer_mode'] =\n\t{\n\t\thandler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n\t\t{\n\t\t\tSetTimerMode(val);\n\t\t}\n\t}\n\n\tmacros['set_timer_param'] =\n\t{\n\t\thandler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n\t\t{\n\t\t\tSetTimerParam(val);\n\t\t}\n\t}\n\n}\n>>\n<<print $TimerAddon()>>\n<<endsilently>>
You're sobbing now, <<revision sobbing>><<revise sobbing "sobbing">>, your face and hands a mess of snot and tears. <<becomes>>sobbing, your face and hands a mess of snot and tears. All your swords [[twisting|12]] within you at every horrible too-loud noise that chokes out of you.<<endrevision>>
"Listen," Connie says sharply, "I wasn't going to say this, but <<revision girls>><<revise girls "little girls">> look up to you, you know." <<becomes>>little girls look up to you, you know. Who maybe just got their first sword put in, and dream of someday being like you. You're a <<revision role>><<revise role "role model">>." <<becomes>>role model. You're an inspiration. You'd [[throw all of that away?|11]]"<<endrevision>><<endrevision>>
You manage to get your tears under control to the point where you're sobbing silently. It <<revision hurts>><<revise hurts "hurts">> when you make noise. <<becomes>>hurts when you make noise. Every breath reopens a thousand old wounds that have never been allowed to [[heal|14]].<<endrevision>>
"Hey," says Connie, more gently. "Hey. Hey, I'm <<revision sorry>><<revise sorry "sorry">>." <<becomes>>sorry." She rubs your shoulder, gently, like she's scared maybe you'll bite her. "I'm sorry. It's <<revision okay>><<revise okay "okay">>." <<becomes>>okay. If you want to have them taken out, I support you. I'm your <<revision friend>><<revise friend "friend">>." <<becomes>>friend. I just think maybe you're being a little [[selfish|13]]."<<endrevision>><<endrevision>><<endrevision>>
You hear the lock on the door catch, <<revision finally>><<revise finally "finally">>. <<becomes>>finally. It worked, you're all <<revision alone>><<revise alone "alone">> now. <<becomes>>alone now. Alone to admire your collection.<<start_timer 3>><<set_timer_param "16">><<endrevision>><<endrevision>>
You feel like you have to <<revision something>><<revise something "say something">> now, like you have to comfort //her//. <<becomes>>say something now, like you have to comfort //her//. To tell her it's okay, that she's a <<revision friend>><<revise friend "good friend">>. <<becomes>>good friend. That's the right thing to do, <<revision right>><<revise right "right?">> <<becomes>>right? <<revision dont>><<revise dont "You don't.">> <<becomes>>You don't. You know that if you keep your head in your hands, if you don't acknowledge her presence, the awkwardness will push her away like a wind, and she will [[disappear|15]].<<endrevision>><<endrevision>><<endrevision>><<endrevision>>
<small><small>''i'm thinking of having them taken out''\nby anna anthropy 2015\n\nwith scripts by leon arnott and stefano russo</small></small>
anna anthropy