r.i.p. meowzbow


when i started dating my slut three years ago this smug little kitty came with her, jealous and protective of the first human being who ever showed him kindness. meowzbow was feral and the runt of his litter when she rescued him from the street; he also, even at this young age, had FIV, she would later discover. the meowzbow i knew was well adjusted to domestic life – he liked to drink water out of cups, like people. by daintily dipping his paw in and licking the water off his fingertips. what a little princess.

he acted like he was above most things – including my affection, most of the time – though often, especially in the past year it seemed, his younger, hyperactive brother strider could get him to play, tearing across the apartment. their relationship was always antagonistic, though sometimes we’d come back from the store or something and find them cuddled up on the couch. they’d jump up and run away, playing it cool, acting like nothing happened. the only toy i ever saw meowzbow get excited about was a plush squid on a string that amon gave us as a gift – for the first week he would drag it around with him, eventually hiding it somewhere that we didn’t discover for a while.

i understood, when slut finally moved in with me and i became meowzbow’s step-mommy, that i would forever be in his mom’s shadow in terms of his affection and attachment. but i fucking fought for every inch of this little snob’s love that he would allow me. when she was sleeping, and he was desperate, he would rub against me and ask for pets. i may have lifted him and smooched him more than i should have – it may have hurt my efforts. just weeks ago, it was still a victory to have him lay on the bed with me and let me pet him, and not to shrug me off and leave.

a few weeks ago, meowzbow developed an infection in his eye. slut noticed it first: one pupil was slightly, slightly bigger than the other. i told her it was nothing, not a big deal. later, when his eye started to cloud and darken, i was angry with myself for doubting his mommy. the bond that she and that little kitty had i was almost jealous of. many tearful nights were to follow. meowzbow was a sick cat with a compromised immune system and possibly leukemia – i always understood that one of my duties, once my slut moved in with me, would be to someday help her bury her precious kitty. it was a duty i had always dreaded. a week or so ago, watching the slow, labored in-and-out of meowzbow’s little chest, i finally understood that that time might be close at hand. our kitty was dying.

last night, his heart failing, he had his final death spasms in his mommy’s arms; she was in my arms. strider howled as his brother’s ghost wriggled out of him. we held his tiny, still body, we stroked his fur. he was still warm and still soft. we did not know what to do with this little body. i called our friend channing, waking him at two in the morning. he had driven us to the vet with little meowzbow a week or two before, a fellow crazy cat-lady; he assured me we were good parents. today, he gave us a ride to the albany bulb, a man-made island thick with art and trees and beach and gravel, and left his stiffening body, swaddled in a towel, in a cardboard box, under a bunch of branches and flowers.

r.i.p. meowzbow, the prettiest cat in the world. your mommies fucking love you.

18 thoughts on “r.i.p. meowzbow”

  1. You sound like you were great mommies to Meowzbow. Losing a pet is super heart wrenching.*Hugs RIP MEOWZBOW, you adorable cat!

  2. meowzbow was a fucking angel and daphny was the best mom he could have ever had. you were the best step-mom. perfect kitty family, and i’m so glad he had you two all the way.

  3. I’m so sorry. I recently made a game about losing a cat, and even playing my own game is very difficult for me – we have a cat (called Cat), and she’s as important to me as just about any human being I know. The very idea of losing her shatters me.

    I don’t know how to comfort someone who’s lost a cat because I don’t know how anyone could comfort me. The only thing I can say is that it matters, it must matter, that the two of you were there for him, that you made his life the best that it could be. One of the hardest things about having a companion of a different species is that there is so much that we cannot communicate – but we *can* communicate love. Even those maddeningly snotty, heart-breakingly beautiful little monsters understand that.

  4. “man-made” is a sexist expression, and you shall not use it ever again.

    anyway, sorry about meowzbow

  5. Meowzbow was such a sweet cat, the first to show me the appeal of taking in and caring for cats. This is such a sad turn; I am so sorry for your (p) loss. :(

  6. I started crying when I read this, and I keep tearing up whenever I pass the pictures scrolling through the page :(

    We love you, Meowzbow <3

  7. “Now, when the waters are pressing mightily
    on the walls of the dams,
    now, when the white storks, returning,
    are transformed in the middle of the firmament
    into fleets of jet planes,
    we will feel again how strong are the ribs
    and how vigorous is the warm air in the lungs
    and how much daring is needed to love on the exposed plain,
    when the great dangers are arched above,
    and how much love is required
    to fill all the empty vessels
    and the watches that stopped telling time,
    and how much breath,
    a whirlwind of breath,
    to sing the small song of spring.”

    — by Yehuda Amichai

  8. jonas, your second paragraph encapsulates exactly how i feel on the matter of losing a dear animal companion. it hurts terribly and i wouldn’t wish that kind of loss on anyone. rip, meowzbow. :(

  9. Really sorry to hear that Meowzbow passed on. I only got to meet him once, for a bit, but he seemed like a cool cat then.

    My mom’s cat, who had been with our family for 17 years, recently passed on as well, and it was hard as heck to deal with, so I can only wish you as much comfort as possible there. It sounds like you both gave Meowzbow about the best life a cat can have, so take some comfort in that at least.

  10. :c

    RIP meowzbow, you were an awesome roommate and it was always a pleasure getting you to chase my flashlight beams everywhere.

  11. Oh dear… I’m so sorry to hear about little meowzbouw. He sounds like a truly lovely little kitty and I can understand how much you must miss him.

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